I thought I’d give a few updates on where I’ve been with the thing I most want to get rid of in my life (skin allergies!) and the things that started this blog in the first place (food, exercise, body image). I also updated My Story to reflect the changes that have happened since I started the blog in December 
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As for those pesky skin allergies: I have been weaning myself off my medicine, but on weekends when I tend to eat out more than usual, or weekends at home with lots of baking, or days when I eat one of Sonny’s food-coloring-filled popsicles, they come back with a vengeance. I still don’t know exactly what triggers them, but eating clean definitely seems to be helping to alleviate the symptoms.
I suspect that stress exacerbates them, and that I may be stressed during the times when I’m eating more haphazardly (both because of and as a result of the haphazard eating?). It’s a total chicken-and-egg thing.
And as for other changes: my body has definitely thanked me eating clean with clearer skin and more stable energy levels. Greens and sprouts give me particularly great energy — when I have a green smoothie or juice in the morning, I don’t even need coffee! And my running endurance has improved tremendously in a relatively short period of time. I won’t say it’s all because of the food, but it certainly doesn’t hurt!
Looking back on the days this spring when I was blogging every meal, it’s clear to me that I was in a phase of “getting it out of my system” — i.e., eating formerly “forbidden foods” so I knew I “could” have them. At this point, I can’t fathom eating granola for breakfast every morning, as I did then. It seems way too sugary to eat first thing, now. But even back then, I had noticed that luna bars had started to taste chemically. Taste buds continue to change and evolve I guess it’s just a good reminder to allow yourself to enjoy the foods you CRAVE, in moderation, as often as you need to to avoid obsessing about them and overdoing it!
As for the big w: weight. I feel like the classic thing is to lose weight during the summer, because it’s too hot to eat heavy things and there’s so much fresh produce around. But I think I’m the opposite! In the summer, I wear a lot of skirts and loose, flowy dresses, and never notice whether they feel tighter or looser. Yes, I eat lighter, with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, but I also have more frozen desserts — popsicles, coconut ice cream, etc. — and I also tend to be more active, which leads to greater hunger and more snacking. Dehydration is also very easy to mistake for hunger. In the fall and winter, it’s a lot easier for me to forgo sweets in favor of hot tea, baked sweet potatoes, warm soups . . . fall produce is so filling!
However, I am choosing not to focus on this. I have stopped weighing myself, but have been paying attention to how I feel, and whether my energy levels are good. I have a feeling my weight will naturally fluctuate throughout the year, maintaining the exact same weight week after week just isn’t realistic. Today, I’m totally fine with this — I may freak out about it once in awhile, but I’m choosing not to think about it (which is part of the reason I didn’t blog much this summer!). I think I finally understand that weight is NOT a marker of health, happiness, or even appearance, in many cases. And maybe it was the realization that I am, for all intents and purposes, HEALTHY, that helped me make the conscious decision to stop thinking about the number.
A few other things have helped contribute to this shift in perspective:
- A friend of mine has been working out with a personal trainer since January. In that time, she’s dropped from 35% to 25% body fat, and has had to purchase almost all new clothes, but her weight has only gone down 6 lbs. She says she feels amazing and strong, and that she’s replaced pounds of fat with muscle, but if she judged her progress solely by the number on the scale, she’d probably be less than impressed.
- Running the 10K. I’ve only ever been able to run 6 miles in the past when I was exercising obsessively, but this time I really took it easy on the training and let my fitness grow as slowly as it needed to. I feel like I’ve given exercise a much healthier role in my life! And I also learned that in the past, I never fueled or re-fueled properly, which probably slowed my progress.
- A friend of mine and I were looking through old pictures from college and she commented that I looked emaciated in one of them. I remember looking at that picture when it was taken and feeling like I needed to lose weight. It was a wake-up call: I think somewhere, in the back of my head, I still feel like I will one day inhabit that old body I was in. Now, for the first time, I don’t want to. That old person was not strong, not confident, and did not take care of herself. I want to do all these things. And I honestly don’t know what my happy weight is. It may be less than I am now, but it’s not as low as it used to be. There’s a place in between that I have yet to find, and I’m going to let my body figure it out for itself.
- When I first started the blog, I think I had a goal in the back of my head of finding a major physical transformation. But what really needed to change was my attitude. With a good attitude, physical appearance matters less. So I’ve learned to be happy to be blogging without a clear goal in mind beyond staying positive and being kind to myself.
As proud as I am of all these changes, I still struggle sometimes. It’s not fun that some of my jeans are tight. But it’s also not the end of the world. And a year ago, it would’ve been!
How has blogging changed you? If you don’t blog, how have you changed in the last year?
