Fit for Free

Even though it seems a little dated at this point, I want to go through the food pics I’ve taken since Saturday morning to try to figure out what went wrong. All I know is, I reached a really low point on Sunday night, and I want to know how I got there so I can nip it in the bud next time!

Saturday morning started, as always, with a walk in the park with Arthur. I knew I needed something to eat before I left, and I was out of fresh fruit (mistake #1!) so I had a cup of peanut-butter puffins with soymilk (in my super-classy plastic wine glass):

However, I’d forgotten that Puffins are like air to me, and ate another cup with soymilk in attempt to reach fullness:

I’d bought the puffins for last week’s Sundaes on Sunday toppings and unfortunately, I don’t have much day-to-day use for them. Delicious, yes, but not filling at all!! I need to be careful what I keep in the house—even though this cereal seems harmless when I first buy it (and often for a week afterword!), it isn’t always good to have in the cupboard!

So, when I got back from the walk, I had a mid-morning “snack” before I left for my 11 o’clock playwriting workshop:

whole-wheat wrap with 1 tbsp. cashew butter and a forbidden cookie (eaten separately)

This was eaten on a whim. It was a fun snack, but not a very balanced/nutritious one.

I packed lunch to take to the workshop (wrap + a soy yogurt) because these workshops very rarely have vegan food, but this time the French Culinary Institute donated an amazing spread that included some wonderful vegan options! However, I made the mistake of leaving my water bottle at home, so when lunch was served, I was super-thirsty as well as super-hungry, which made me take more food than I normally would (water DEFINITELY helps keep my appetite in check when I sip on it all day, and I usually never leave home without some!):

a big salad with a little balsamic vinaigrette, 3 pieces of a hummus/olive wrap and 3 pieces of a peanut-butter/apple/banana wrap!

seconds: one more piece of each wrap (sorry about the terrible cameraphone pictures!!)

After all this I was a bit overstuffed which made it hard to concentrate on the afternoon portion of the workshop (which featured a couple NYC playwrights and was phenomenal!).

After the workshop, I met up with my sister in Times Square and walked around for a little over an hour. I arrived home at 6 and needed to refuel before taking Arthur for his evening walk, so I dug into the wrap (with hummus + parsley) that I’d packed for lunch:

I started feeling a little guilty after eating this, but I told myself that I was being silly. Because I was! A 110-calorie wrap with a tbsp of hummus and a big handful of parsley is a perfectly acceptable snack. I think it’s just the word “wrap” that made me feel like it should be a MEAL rather than a snack. Silly semantics.

Arthur and I had a great 90-minute walk which involved a trip to the store where Sonny works to meet him when he got off work and walk home with him. I fixed dinner for both of us (the ol’ quick standby):

Whole-wheat spaghetti with Newman’s Own roasted garlic tomato sauce (mixed with tons of crushed red pepper, Italian seasoning, black pepper, and Morningstar veggie crumbles), topped with nutritional yeast, plus roasted eggplant with Country Bob’s all-purpose sauce. This was my first time trying Country Bob’s and I loved it! It’s light but very flavorful, and has that wonderful smoky barbeque taste. This was also my first time roasting eggplant without salting/rinsing it first. I don’t think I’ll ever waste the time (and salt) ever again! I cubed and roasted the eggplant at 415 degrees for 15 minutes and it was perfectly crispy with no hint of bitterness.

With my spicy pasta and smoky eggplant I had a few sips of Sonny’s mammoth Heineken (which TOTALLY hit the spot!):

Then, over the course of the evening, came the three desserts:

All pretty self-explanatory, I think. I ate them over the span of a couple hours, sitting down and savoring every bite, so in my mind they were healthy

I rated this a decent exercise day (nearly 3 hours spent walking), a C+ food day (due to poor planning and 4 wraps in one day!!), and an A+ inspiration day (workshop). Unfortunately, the C+ food day put a damper on my happiness about the workshop. The moral of the story? Keep fruit in the house (so I’ll be more inclined to eat it with breakfast/for dessert) and keep a water bottle (or at least some cash so I can buy water) with me at all times! The flip side? It really wasn’t that bad of a day, especially considering what a “bad” day for me used to be (standing in front of the refrigerator, picking at everything, and never feeling satisfied; or eating half a box of cereal; etc. etc.). I made conscious choices and enjoyed most of the things I ate.

Saturday, check.

I woke up on Sunday and knew I needed something pre-Arthur walk to get me going, so I had this little treat (Thanks, Allison!):

I haven’t liked any of the Luna Sunrise bars I’ve tried so far (I think they have a gummy texture and are too sweet) but the Strawberry Crumble flavor was TASTY!! Definitely still very sweet but a lovely treat and the perfect way to start the day and fuel me up for or 1-hour walk.

When I got home I showered and then snacked on half a mango to hold me over until the 1 o’clock blogger brunch at Counter (saved the rest for later!):

As I’m sure you’ve heard from everyone else, Counter didn’t have great service, but I wasn’t too worried about it; I was preoccupied with meeting many of my favorite bloggers (and have them to thank for the pictures that follow!):

Starting on the left: Danielle, Ashley, Melissa (who organized the brunch!), Gena, Mark, Heather, Shane (Dori, Missy, and Emily were also there, but they’re missing from the pic!)

a little bit of Amelia, me, Olga, Amie, Ashley, and Sarah

I ordered the vegan country scramble, and cleaned my plate even though it was a little too dressing/oil-heavy and I was full 3/4 of the way into it. I guess it’s been awhile since I went out to eat at a restaurant with a bunch of people—I forgot how hard it is to mind your hunger and fullness when you’re talking!

I also had a coffee with soymilk.

It was really so much fun to meet everyone. Melissa generously gave us some free gym passes and I’m looking forward to trying out the classes with a few others from the brunch! And the lovely Olga and I are planning to do a 5K together this summer—I can’t wait

After the brunch I went on a little gelato adventure with Sarah, Emily, and Missy (Sarah was across the street taking the picture!)

And rode back to Brooklyn with Sarah and Emily:

Where, upon arrival, I was talked into trying bubble tea for the second time ever. I was not a fan the first time, but this might have turned me around:

Mmmm soymilky sweet black tea with tapioca balls! These things were so fun to eat, even though they shoot up the straw into your throat in an alarming way. Thanks for the encouragement to give the balls a second try, Sarah and Emily!

Upon arriving at home, I was overstuffed from brunch + tea but still dug into the wonderful Jasmine-Tea Biscotti Bites that Sarah so thoughtfully brought to the brunch (she even made a vegan version—so sweet!):

I had all four tiny biscotti. They were nice and crispy with a subtle, fragrant jasmine flavor. WONDERFUL work Sarah!!! I only wish I’d saved some to have with a cup of tea .

A couple hours after I got home Sonny and I took Arthur for a lovely hour-long walk in the park, and tried to teach him to play fetch. He’s learning . . . slowly I don’t know if his old owners ever played with him! He’s 2, and we got him from a shelter that found him as a stray in Bushwick, so we have no clue what his life was like before we got him. It’s a funny thing. I’m glad I had my cameraphone—it was a lovely day.

Unfortunately, when I got home, I made a big mistake (that I’ve made before and thought I’d gotten over!): thinking I didn’t need dinner because I was still a little full from lunch. I should know better! When this happens, I need to make a salad or something dinner-like but light, or this happens:

I have a little snack (thanks for the bar, Missy—the blueberry flavor is delish!). I also had my leftover mango from earlier today.

Which turns into a bigger little snack:

Which continues:

(These raw vegan crackers from Melissa were WONDERFUL! I split them with Sonny.)

. . . until I decide that I won’t be satisfied until I have something dinner-like:

steamed mixed veggies+Country Bob’s, with ~1/2 c. leftover pasta w/ veggie meat sauce from last night, topped with nutritional yeast

This made my stomach feel better, but still just felt like *too much.* I was mad at myself for ending the week of the Forbidden Foods Challenge by eating 2 of my forbidden cookies in the middle of a mindless sugar-driven snackfest. I guess I was sitting around and moping, because Sonny asked me what was wrong and I started talking about how I felt like I couldn’t trust my stomach or my brain sometimes, and how that makes it really hard to trust myself in general. It spiraled into a pretty long conversation, the bottom line of which = I shouldn’t be afraid to change my behavior. And I also shouldn’t be so hard on myself!

We’d planned on having Sundaes on Sunday all afternoon, but I said “I already had cookies and a granola bar, I shouldn’t have anything else” even though I really wanted some ice cream (by this point it was almost 11 PM). I thought about the Forbidden Foods Challenge and the idea that nothing should be off-limits. I thought about the fact that eating ice cream tonight would probably offset a craving and/or potential overindulgence later in t he week. So, when we took Arthur for his evening walk, we picked up this wonder:

This takes the cake as my favorite frozen dessert. We split it straight from the container and I probably had a little less than a cup—more than I usually let myself have, but my stomach was perfectly happy with it, so I was too.

I have mixed feelings about the fact that I followed up an emotional food-related conversation with a sweet dessert. The best way I can put it is that I’m glad I didn’t eat ice cream when I was upset at myself; instead, I talked to someone. However, it was still unnecessary. But it was also delicious. My final thought was to stop thinking about it so much, because that’s a waste of energy.

ANYWAY. Looking back on the past couple days, it’s pretty obvious that I fell off the food wagon a little because a) I wasn’t prepared and b) I had too much sugar. That’s easily remedied. One of the best lessons I’ve learned at WW is that the first step is to manage your environment, not to change yourself. Simply changing your environment is often enough to sidestep unwanted behavior. When we put too much pressure on ourselves to CHANGE, it’s less effeective.

All in all it was a wonderful weekend, and I am really thankful that I have the blog to remind me of the good things and put the food stress into perspective!!

I’ll be back later with some pics of the yummy raw foods that I’ve enjoyed over the past few days

Sorry to have been MIA for the past two days!! I have a folder of pictures begging to be uploaded, food/exercise thoughts to share, exercise schedules to update, Pom, YouBar, and Country Bob’s reviews . . . needless to say, expect a mammoth post later!! Both Sonny and I came down with a bug a couple days ago and I stayed home from work yesterday to recuperate, so things have been a little wonky (is that the right way to use that word? I’m never sure).

In addition to staging an attack the dusty (and now furry) corners of my apartment, Sonny and I decided to do a little spring cleanse. He felt like he wasn’t eating enough fruit, so he decided to eat only fruit (and drink only water, tea, and 100% juice) for a week. A little background: when I met Sonny (almost 5 years ago) he would have days where all he ate was a slice of pizza, a hot dog from a street cart, and beer. Oh, and TONS of coffee. I’m not sure what’s happened to him in the past couple years, but he’s decided to completely overhaul his relationship with food, became vegan for a year last June as an “experiment” (I’m trying to get him to do a guest post about it!), and is now doing this fruit thing. I don’t pretend to understand, but I’m glad he’s making an effort to reform his eating habits and now enjoys fruits and vegetables! I really never thought I’d see it.

I’ve done all-fruit cleanses in the past and they made me feel absolutely awful. I really need something to balance out that fruit sugar! So, I decided to do a week of mostly raw food. When I say “mostly,” it’s because I’ve been eating my non-raw cashew butter, and have had a few sips of Sonny’s non-raw (but still 100% all-natural) juice. Besides that, though, only fruits (fresh and dried with no additives), veggies, raw nuts&seeds, cold-pressed olive oil, raw tahini and sprouted/germinated beans and grains. So far my favorite breakfast has been barley, soaked overnight, drained, and topped with a chopped banana, raw agave nectar, and raw walnuts. My favorite lunch = a big spinach salad with 1/2 an avocado, ~1/2 c. sprouted chick peas, olives, and tahini drizzled on top. And my favorite dinner = more barley with a big fruit salad and raw macadamia nuts. Oh, and red grapes. I can’t get enough of them. They definitely give me my sugar fix!

Don’t mind the Puffins in the background!

Eating raw food makes me feel amazing. It’s such a fun “cleanse” and is so much more gentle on the body than all-fruit! I’ve done a week of raw food once a year for the past few years (once after Thanksgiving, when I felt awful from all the rich food and wanted to “re-set” my system, and a few times during the summer, because I thought it would be a fun way to symbolically welcome summer and all the wonderful fresh produce)  and it always does wonders. My cravings for refined sugar and caffeine diminish, my skin glows, my muscle tone looks better, and—most important—I feel light, energetic, and excited about everything I’m eating. I’ve never seen a significant change in my weight after a week of raw food, but that’s not why I do it—it’s really all about the great physical benefits. Raw food makes me feel similar to the way I do after a Bikram Yoga class—like the inside of my body has been powerwashed

The concept of the raw food diet used to have really bad connotations for me (I talk about this a bit in this mammoth post). At one point in time, when I was first learning about raw food preparation and working for a raw food chef at a cafe—I used the guise of the raw food diet to eat very little (and did not feel good!!). So for me, doing a week of raw food is like an extension of the Forbidden Foods challenge—bringing raw food into my life in a healthy context. It seems silly to me that a set of foods that make me feel so good should have such negative emotions associated with them! In Brandi’s forbidden food recap she made the excellent point that “Any food can be a “forbidden food” . . . the food itself does not matter. It’s all about my mindset – period.” As HEALTHY as most raw foods are, it’s still possible for me to have an unhealthy attitude about them. I’m already enjoying the process of “taking them back” .

Have you ever done (or thought about doing) a “cleanse”? Why or why not?

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

7

Timestamp: 2009-03-23 14:36:14 UTC

* * * * *

HazelnutAlibi, you win! However, because HazelnutAlibi is really my sister Chloe (and because the blog is actually a very new collaboration between my two sisters and me), I decided to pick a second winner and just send out two packages

* * * * *

Here are your random numbers:

4

Timestamp: 2009-03-23 14:36:14 UTC

Congratulations, Sara! I’ll send off your package ASAP

* * * * *

I’ve been thinking about the fact that many of us still have forbidden foods in our kitchens and may need support even though the challenge is over. Please check back and let us know how it’s going, and sharing any triumphs/challenges you run into. I’ll keep you guys updated as I incorporate more and more previously forbidden foods into my diet.

* * * * *

In other news . . .

1.) Sarah gave me my first-ever blogger award! I love her blog so it was an honor.

And it gives me great pleasure to pass it along to two of you: Sara from Fit Feet, because you’re an inspiring runner and write honest, thought-provoking posts, and Brandi from Bran Appetit, because you make such wholesome yummy meals, write thoughtful and honest posts, and remind us to eat for health

You guys have made this a truly amazing challenge. I’ve been so inspired by all your stories!

To recap, this was a challenge to pick  a food that you frequently deny yourself, enjoy it in moderation, and then share your experience. To start, let’s recap everyone who participated, and their forbidden foods (listed in the order that they commented on the challenge post). Because I don’t want to put words in anybody’s mouth, I encourage you to visit their blogs and read their recaps firsthand. If I’ve missed you on this list, please let me know and I’ll add you ASAP (and I apologize in advance!)

1.) Brandi bought coconut milk ice cream (something she’s passed in the grocery store many times) and a seasonal treat: Cadbury mini eggs. She enjoyed both in moderation and offered thoughtful insights on eating and intuition.

2.) Sarah splurged on a sinfully pricey treat from the condiment aisle—lemon curd—and incorporated a small amount into many creative meals and desserts.

3.) Haleigh bought candy, including her weakness, Reese’s, and enjoyed it a couple pieces at a time, which solidified the idea that moderation in all things is true health.

4.) Sara also bought Cadbury mini eggs—something she’s never trusted herself with before— enjoyed them without overindulging, and stopped herself when she realized she wanted them for the wrong reasons.

5.) Yasmin faced both peanut butter and nuts—good nutrition masked in a scary nutrition label; pushed herself out of her “safety” food zone; and realized that “it’s okay to have the things you love once in awhile.”

6.) Becca enjoyed a spread of Ethiopian food all by herself without guilt.

7.) HazelnutAlibi bought mini Oreos—a favorite that she never indulges in—from a vending machine while studying in the library.

8.) Anne K. bought pecans—which she always avoided because of their caloric density—for the first time and enjoyed a moderate amount without guilt, on more than one occasion.

9.) Sue enjoyed potato chips—a formerly guilty pleasure—without guilt, and pinpointed the fact that many diets leave room for sweets but don’t address “salty, greasy” cravings.

10.) Melissa celebrated her birthday with “no no” foods but didn’t gain a thing.

11.) Zoe bought several larabars, enjoyed one, and plans to buy them again.

12.) RuntoFinish showed great self-control in a house filled to the brim with Vitatops.

13.) Sweetie Pie had a larabar for dessert, and realized that, although calorically dense, it’s a healthy and acceptable snack or dessert; and that WW points aren’t an entirely accurate indicator of how much you should eat.

14.) Olga bought ice cream and enjoyed modest amounts for dessert and even with a creative breakfast concoction.

15.) Rae bought a jar of peanut butter, bounced back from an initial “indulgence,” and still has 3/4 of the jar left.

I wanted to put BIG! EXCLAMATION! POINTS! after everyone’s entry, but decided to leave them out because it looked a little ridiculous! It doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly excited (and proud!) of you guys for every single entry

It was incredibly helpful for me to read everyone else’s experience with the challenge for many reasons:

• You guys were so candid in sharing the thought process that often accompanies a craving (I want it! I really shouldn’t have it! I need to make up for my overindulgence by exercising/eating less at my next meal!) It really solidified the idea that nothing should be off limits, because the more you think about something the more likely you are to overdo it!
• You showed that there are a million different ways we can obsess about food: calories, fat grams, price, sweet vs. salty, etc.
• In many cases, you asserted control over a food that may have previously controlled you (thanks for the words, Sarah!)

All in all, you showed that change is possible. We are not defined by our past. At any moment, we can make the choice to change our habits and thought patterns and DO IT!

As for my recap. My forbidden food was homemade REAL chocolate-chip cookies, but a few others came up for me along the way (processed carbs being the major culprit!) I did really well with the cookies in the house from Tuesday through Saturday. Sunday, the last day of the challenge, I had two (as part of some mindless snacking before dinner—I’ll talk about it in my food post later), and it set me into a tailspin (which ended with Sonny making me say out loud “it’s just a cookie. it’s not a big deal. it’ll be fine” around 15 times, until I could say it without laughing—not joking). I talked with Sonny about this for a long time, and have lots of insights. Here is the bottom line: this challenge was really good for me. Chocolate-chip cookies have lost much of their allure, mystique, and “forbiddenness.” This was the goal! So, in that sense, I am very proud of myself. The flip side? Chocolate-chip cookies are quite sugary, eating sugar often makes you crave more sugar, and so, while I may have an emotional handle on my chocolate-chip cookie obsession after this challenge, unfortunately I’m still not physically immune to the effects of sugar. This is a valuable distinction.

I’ll be back later with a weekend food recap (which included the NYC blogger brunch!) and to announce the winner of the Forbidden Foods Challenge package!

* * 2 days left to enter the Forbidden Food Challenge! Share your experience with your forbidden food on your blog and link to this post [challenge details can be found here], or leave a comment on the same post! * *

Ahh, nothing like a quiet Friday night at home alone with the furball:

I can’t help it—it’s been a long week!

Let’s get the food photos off the ol’ camera.

Thursday breakfast (post off-the-leash sprintfest with Arthur in Prospect Park): granola, pb puffins, plain Whole Soy yogurt, strawberries, melon (which I saved for lunch):

Mmmmm the combo. of pb puffins and strawberries was divine!! Now I’m curious about strawberries and peanut butter together!

Lunch/snacks for work: melon from breakfast, a forbidden cookie, another plain Whole Soy yogurt (my last! ), baby carrots, and an Ezekiel wrap with 1/4 an avocado, a spoonful of spicy Sabra’s hummus, and a vegan chik’n patty:

My hunger was all weird on Thursday and I had the wrap and half the carrots at 10:45 (earliest lunch ever!), the cookie at noon, and the melon, yogurt, and rest of the carrots around 3. Although I’ve really been enjoying my breakfast granola (and it’s a former forbidden food!), it doesn’t consistently hold me over ’til lunch, and I think I need to switch back to hot cereal or unsweetened whole-grain cold cereal (with a sprinkling of granola on top, perhaps!), or maybe relegate granola to snack food/side dish status.

When I got out of my WW meeting around 6, I definitely needed something to hold me over. My stomach felt empty, and sometimes that’s a nice feeling, but I was also low-energy and a little headachy, which is often my body’s cue to eat a snack. So I picked up this guy while buying coffee filters and dishwashing soap at Duane Reade:

The Dulce de Leche flavor is seriously sweet!!! Even sweeter than the Caramel Nut Brownie variety! It was a good pick-me-up but I’d rather eat sugar in the form of sweetened granola and forbidden cookies The bar did its job, though, because I didn’t rush to the refrigerator as soon as I got home. Instead, I took Arthur for a walk to pick up Sonny at work (~2 miles total, with detours) and made a quick dinner when we got home (Sonny had chips, salsa, orange juice, and forbidden cookies for dinner—it was that kinda night). I wasn’t feeling that hungry, but knew I needed something:

Steamed broccoli with a little hoisin sauce, 2/3 c. bulgur, and a Morningstar farms riblet (or “rib jiblet,” as they’re known in our apartment )

Apparently I was actually hungry, because I had seconds on broccoli/broccoli stems (which are delicious, and make an amazing base for broccoli soup—don’t throw them out!), with a little more sauce. This broccoli was so fresh and wonderful:

After dinner I had a very blurry dried pineapple ring:

and an evening snack (an hour or so later) of ~1/2 c. Udi’s vanilla granola and unsweetened soymilk. My mouth wanted a cookie, but my stomach wanted something more filling.

Sonny and I stayed up a little too late catching up on Lost, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy, and all the other cheesy shows we try to keep up with. I feel like I’m still catching up with him from when he was away on the tour. I missed him!

This morning started off with a rather short walk in the SNOW (wtf? I’m ready to move to the South, right now) and the last of the wonderful juicy canteloupe:

Moved on to the last of the Udi’s vanilla granola with lottts of soymilk (running late, as you can see ):

And a VERY piecemeal lunch, thrown together in about 30 seconds:

1/2 an avocado, the rest of last night’s broccoli, a wrap, and the other Morningstar riblet (I’m officially sick of these—2 in 2 days = 2 many!)

My fatigue and sugar crankiness got the better of me around 1 PM and I bought this guy:

I really don’t like eating energy bars unless I’m planning to expend some energy in a structured way, but I figured, “It’s better for you than a real brownie, it’ll kill the sugar craving, and you’ll be full.” So I had it, felt a little sugared out, and let it go.

Buttt when I got home at 6 I felt like I was going to fall over! I threw together the fastest thing that sounded good:

black olives (my love), a few tortilla chips**, a forbidden cookie, and an Ezekiel wrap stuffed with 4 big leaves of raw swiss chard and a spoonful of spicy Sabra’s hummus

**I’m usually “all-or-nothing” with tortilla chips, and it was nice to eat just a few for a salty, crunchy complement to my meal. It felt “wrong” somehow! I guess I had them labeled as a “bad” food for awhile. Another “forbidden food” that I’m working on conquering

MAN did I feel better after eating those (very blurry) greens!! I think my hand must have been shaking when I took this pic!

and that VERY delicious cookie!! (I made sure to find one from the second batch. It was uber-soft, chewy, vanilla-y, molasses-y, chocolatey, and divine):

SO good that I had another one, with a big glass of cold unsweetened soymilk to balance it out (and add a little protein to my haphazard meal):

I felt SO much better after this, even if the cookies were just a continuation of the mid-afternoon crash!! I literally thought I was going to fall asleep when I got home, but after the food I took Arthur out for a 90-minute walk (and met Sonny at work again). Food works wonders. And I’m happy to say that I enjoyed the two forbidden cookies without guilt, even if I did eat them partially for reasons other than hunger (fatigue!!!). I’m choosing not to let the inner monologue take over and start adding up my exercise and comparing it against everything I ate today (granola! clif bar! cookies!), because I’m reasonably confident that it will balance itself out tomorrow, as long as I get a good night’s sleep!!!

* * *

Stepping it up

Tomorrow I have a playwriting workshop and then I might meet up with my sister, violin-player extraordinaire, who’s in town for an orchestra concert. Hope to get in some good exercise, too—teaching Arthur to jog is taking a little while (he likes to pull ahead of me, turn around, and BARK!), but we’ve managed to jog 2 blocks without barking (if I hold the leash slightly behind me so I’m running in front of him and praise him constantly). It’s work, but it’ll be worth it when we can go for runs together!! I love all the walking but I’m definitely craving something more!

Another idea I’ve been toying with is wearing my  5-lb. sand weights on my arms or legs (alternating days) when I walk Arthur in the morning. It would be an easy way to get in a strength workout. I can honestly say that this is the first time I’ve “missed” strength training since I quit the gym in January. I think it’s that I can feel my abs and arms getting weaker! I do not like to feel weak. So, sometime this weekend, I’ll give the weights a test run and maybe even do some sit-ups (and, if I’m feeling extra-motivated, take some “before” pictures of my arms + abs so I have a frame of reference for whether they’re getting visibly stronger). Either way, I’m going to step up the intensity slowly and do more when my body tells me it’s time to do more.

I have a couple events coming up that are motivating me to stay active. One is my friend’s bachelorette party in Panama City, FL at the beginning of May. I want it to be a fun and memorable experience, not one wrought with insecurity. Even though I know my friends don’t judge me by the way I look, I still want to feel good in a bathing suit! Plus, they’re all very active, and it would be nice to be able to jog with them Also, I’m doing the Corporate Challenge 3.5-mile run in Central Park in June with some of my coworkers. I want to have fun at this race and run the whole thing, not regret that I didn’t prepare well enough.

I made a promise to myself when I started this blog that I would make this lifestyle change as easy as possible (i.e. not push myself too hard and adopt an unsustainable exercise schedule, like running 4 miles in the park every day before work). I know I can get to the point where I want to run every day before work if I take it slow, and I already feel like there’s something missing if I don’t get up at 6:30 and go for a walk. That’s something, right? I’m really trying to drop the all-or-nothing attitude. But it’s hard, especially when I see other runners whizzing by, or when I think that a few years ago I could easily run a 3.5-mile race in 8:30-miles without blinking. But, frankly, I’m happier now than I was then, I’m not using exercise as a crutch to “erase” my eating or as an escape from facing things that bother me. So who cares if it takes me over 40 minutes to run/walk 3.5 miles? It’s nothing to be ashamed of! And, as I keep telling myself, when I get back to the point where I can comfortably run at a faster pace, I’ll know how I got there, and I’ll know how to stay there.

Hope everyone has a wonderful night! You can bet I’ll be dreaming of the day when the parks here in NYC look like this again:

Enough with the cold already!

Any other NYC bloggers going to Melissa’s brunch this Sunday?