Fit for Free

• Ah, the humble bullet point. I’m not sure who invented you, but you certainly help me out when my head feels like a jumbled mess!

But before I go down that road, I just want to give you guys a big hug and say THANK YOU! for your kind words on my rather stress-laden last post. I appreciate it so much.

There are so many things going on that I’m not sure where to start. I hope you guys don’t mind that I treat this blog like a journal. Seriously: I never write in a journal anymore, and this is the kind of stuff that used to go into it (plus, of course, embarrassing poems about boys I liked):

• S.’s job. It’s something that he will figure out on his own, I’m not worried about him, and while it’s stressful now, this is good for him in the long run because he’ll find something that he likes better than his last job. I have full faith in him.
• Teaching. It’s something I’ve always thought I wanted to do. However, sometimes when you think you want to do something, you realize in the course of trying to get there that it might not be right for you. Sorry, that was a horrible sentence!
• Example: when I was in college, I thought I wanted to transfer to another school at the end of my sophomore year. In the course of applying to transfer to two other schools, I realized that I didn’t actually want to leave the school, I just wanted to change my major from English to Anthropology/Music and study abroad. Which I did.
• Why teaching is not right for me: I enjoy one-on-one work with people. It’s my favorite thing. I love meeting with the girl I mentor and talking about her writing—what’s strong, what could be stronger, grammatical inconsistencies, etc. I loved meeting one-on-one with special-needs and ESL kids during my college and post-college tutoring/teaching jobs. However, teaching is not one-on-one.
• Why I love one-on-one work: I love to help people find their writing “voice.” When I can clearly express my thoughts and feelings, I gain a sense of power and ownership over them. It helps keep me from being self-destructive. I love it when I feel like I can help someone else find that power in their own words.
• What it boils down to: I am trying to find my own voice and want to be more creative. Being more creative is scary. Helping kids be more creative is infinitely rewarding, but not scary.
• What it really boils down to: I need to stop second-guessing myself. Rather than channel so much energy into finding the perfect career, I need to keep doing what I’m doing—volunteering, enjoying my job for its own merits (and the amazing people I work with)—and keep trying to find my own voice. I’ll keep writing songs, keep up the blog, keep reading, and try to find more and more creative outlets. It is scary because the more you put yourself out there, the higher the chance of being rejected. And the more you chase inspiration, the more it hurts when you lose it. But those aren’t good reasons to stop being creative!
• Something to celebrate: The band I play in (This Reporter) is going to be recording 2 songs I wrote, and working them into rotation in our performances I’m really excited about this—I’m not a great singer but really enjoy writing songs, and I LOVE our singer Jen’s voice. I think she’ll do an amazing job with them. I put the songs up on my music page if you’d like to listen (“Nothing I Can Do” and “Tennessee”)
• Things to be thankful for (thanks, RuntoFinish, for reminding me to be thankful): my family, my health, my partner, my dog, a roof over my head, as much food and water as I need, the girl I mentor, the blog world, the ability to write at all, my sanity, the sunshine today.

Many of you are recent college graduates/masters degree students/teachers yourselves. I would love any advice you could give me. Is your job something you love, or just a way of supporting your “extracurricular” passions? How did you get where you are? Where do you want to go?!

Things have been more than a little nuts in the past few days, namely:

• The economy finally hit home and S. lost his job
• My best friend here in New York is leaving me and moving to Florida in 2 days
• I’ve had a few mini-freak-outs about moving in the right direction food-wise and exercise-wise (and thus scale-wise) and have made a few not-so-smart food choices (nothing major, but semi-stressful)
• S., Arthur, and I are going to Virginia for a week on Friday night for a last-minute visit with both of our families
• I’ve had major second thoughts about my long-planned foray into teaching (and got rejected from 1 of the 2 programs I applied for)

I want to talk about each of these things in greater detail, and I hope I’ll get the chance to do that later today. If not, tomorrow, I promise. I need it!

Today’s theme comes from a lovely award that Ruby kindly passed along to me:

Thanks, Ruby! If you haven’t checked out her blog, you should—she has a great, healthy attitude and makes some very yummy veggie-centric meals I’m going to pass this along to 2 bloggers I feel the “sisterhood” with:

1.) Olga from Healthing It. We have a lot in common and it was so much fun meeting her at the blogger brunch! I’m sure you already read her blog, but if you don’t, get on it! She is fully of life and makes wonderful photogenic meals

2.) Yasmin from It’s a Wrap! I got to know her a little bit through the Forbidden Foods challenge and really admire the way she kicked her pb-anxiety. She recently wrote, “You will be happy to know I finished a jar of peanut butter in this past week and half. Ha! I laugh in the face of my forbidden food! I ate the whole thing without regressing back to my eating disorder.” YASMIN, YOU ROCK!

* * *

Last night, I “caved” and had an apple with a tbsp. of non-raw cashew butter, because I was hungry and really craving it:

It did not disappoint!

Today was a very exciting day for me, because I went to a drama workshop and saw Lynn Nottage’s play Ruined—all for free, through a “family matinee” program that brings together kids from NYC community groups and their families/mentors. I went with the girl I mentor through Girls Write Now, her twin sister, and her sister’s mentor. Before I left the house, I took Arthur for a quick walk and had exactly what I was craving for breakfast:

canteloupe, soy yogurt, oats, ~1/2 c. pb puffins, raspberries, 1 tbsp. cashew butter, agave

I also packed a snack to take with me:

The workshop was wonderful—we took themes from the play and created short, impromptu scenes, which we performed for the rest of the group. Since Ruined is about the Congolese civil war (and the gut-wrenching things that happen to women who get caught in the middle of the conflict), most of the scenes were based around lines from the play like “You won’t fight your battles on my body anymore!,” piectures of women and children fleeing scenes of destruction, men (and young boys) with guns, etc. People came up with really creative ways of expressing the conflicts; one group acted out a scene about Hurricane Katrina to show the parallels, and another did a scene about a son being drafted and then killed at war.

Once the workshop was over, we grabbed a quick lunch before walking up to the theatre for the play. I ate my apple on the way.

1/2 a roasted veggie wrap (too much oil!!), a mini ET bagel (from the b'fast spread at the workshop), lentil soup, and a pickle

The play was, as expected, pretty upsetting, but also uplifting. Lynn Nottage interviewed women in refugee camps to piece together the characters in her play, and was shocked by the prevalence of hope despite the dismal conditions. It came through in each character. After the play, a few of the cast members came out to discuss the play with the audience, and afterwards, I talked with the play’s Congolese guitar player for awhile. I’m glad the experience was so interactive; it’s rare that you get to meet cast members after a show.

After the show, I ate my Clif bar on the subway ride back to Brooklyn (my mentee and her sister came with me). We did about an hour of writing about themes in the play, since we’re required to submit two pieces of writing to the Girls Write Now anthology in less than a week and we only have one piece ready each! I continued the sisterhood theme by writing about feminism. I’ve never come to a good relationship with that word, despite (or maybe because of?) the fact that I went to a women-only college. I think it’s just that I’ve known a few women who wear the word like a badge of honor, but don’t live by its principles (i.e. staying in relationships with horrible guys who treat them horribly). Am I horrible for thinking this way? Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not?

Once the two girls headed back to Far Rockaway, I made a delicious three-course dinner. It started with sweet potato rounds dipped in Country Bob’s and ketchup:

Went on to a big raw kale/parsley salad with red onion, carrots, 2 slices veggie bacon, and yummy homemade dressing (raw tahini/apple cider vinegar/olive oil/salt/pepper):

and ended with a diced red delicious apple + ~1/2 c. pb puffins drizzled in blackstrap molasses and raw agave nectar:

I was definitely craving fresh food after my mostly non-raw day! I felt good after eating dinner What’s nice about raw foods is that they require little to no preparation; just slice and eat!

I’ll be back later with a baking recap (3 yummy things planned!)

Today was another successful raw day I’ve decided to wrap up  my mostly-raw week tonight rather than Sunday because I have some special baking planned for this weekend and I want to sample the finished goods!

Pre-Arthur-walk snack (6:30 AM):

apple, raw walnuts

Post-Arthur-walk breakfast:

1/2 a smallish avocado with 1 tbsp. raw sunflower seeds, 1 tsp. olive oil, sea salt and black pepper (SO DELICIOUS!!)

plus a little of yesterday’s yummy fruit salad

and 2 pieces of yummy dried mango

I felt like a bottomless pit today!! I blame hormones. Snack #1 (around 10:30) was the rest of the dried mango plus some more raw walnuts:

Lunch (11 AM) was a big spinach salad with sprouted chick peas, avocado, olives, 3 macadamia nuts, and apple cider vinegar:

Afternoon snack was an apple and more raw walnuts:

plus the rest of the walnuts, since I was still hungry!

And when I got home (after being stuck underground on a broken train for half an hour!) I had an apple and a handful of grapes:

Then took Arthur for another walk—a little over an hour this time. It was lovely And so was dinner:

another spinach salad (can you tell I get in food ruts!?) with carrots, red onion, sprouted chick peas, and yummmmy  homemade dressing (1 tbsp tahini, juice of 1/2 a lemon, 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar, sea salt, black pepper, and ~2 tsp. miso mayo).

Now I’m relaxing for the evening—Arthur is chewing on his very non-raw very non-vegan chewy:

and I have books to read!!

My mostly-raw week has accomplished what I wanted: to help me refocus on whole, fresh foods and lessen my dependence on sugar and caffeine. Plus (and I didn’t expect this at all), I think I learned how to eat raw food in a way that’s mentally healthy and physically satisfying for me. I definitely plan to incorporate more raw foods into my diet, espeically during the warmer months, and I have lots of recipes that I can’t wait to share with you!! Raw fruit pie with a fruit/nut “crust,” homemade almond milk, raw collard “tacos,” energy nuggets . . . so many things. I forgot how much I love playing with simple fresh ingredients

Tomorrow I am doing something very scary: going to a theatre improv class with the girl I mentor!!!! She talked me into it! I figure it’ll be good for me, though! What’s the last thing you did that scared you??

Rather than jump right in to the week of mostly-raw food (still haven’t decided whether I’m going to do 5 days or the full 7) I decided to take it slow (especially after the ice cream etc. on Sunday night!). Here’s a quick recap of the first few days

MONDAY

apple, “Grawnola Bar” sample from Melissa

raw macaroons, also from Melissa!

“Maddi And Lucy Are So Hot” YouBar (thanks for the samples, Anthony!) This bar (which has a sunflower seed butter base) was INCREDIBLE!!!

another apple

another YouBar sample (this one had an almond butter base, and I wasn’t quite as fond of it)

a big not-all-raw salad (chick peas, tofu)

and an all-raw dinner salad (post-grocery shop!): olives, grapes, spinach, raw tahini

delicious red grapes

dried apricots and raw macadamia nuts

The YouBars weren’t raw but were made with all whole-food ingredients, many of which were uncooked (like dried fruit). They were a good tool to ease into a processed-food free week!

TUESDAY

I stayed home from work on Tuesday because I wasn’t feeling well, and don’t remember everything I ate, but aside from cashew butter (not raw) and a little orange juice (processed/frozen), I think I stayed raw all day. I ate a couple small pieces of this bar:

which was interesting but had a sortof mealy taste and I probably won’t buy it again (I was curious when I saw it on the grocery shelf and couldn’t help myself!). Also had a bottle of strawberry Kombucha, which I LOVED . . . a salad with avocado, tahini, and germinated chick peas (just soak overnight in water and they come alive! Leave them out for a couple days, rinsing two or three times a day, and they’ll sprout ). And this yummy creation:

red grapes + soaked barley topped with a sliced banana, flax, cashew butter, and agave

WEDNESDAY

I got into the swing of things on Wednesday, but have no pics to show for it because they’re all on my cameraphone and I decided it would be too expensive to e-mail them all to myself! I can tell you, though, that I had a fruit/nut salad for breakfast, avocado/chick pea/tahini/olive/spinach salad for lunch, “sun gems” (raw treat from the yoga studio I go to: sunflower seeds, dates, and flax rolled into a ball) for a snack, and this yummy dinner:

sliced mango, soaked barley, dried apricots, cashew butter, and raw macadamia nuts drizzled with a little raw agave

THURSDAY

Today I stayed 100% raw all day and have the pics to prove it

Breakfast: sliced banana, 1/2 sliced apple, dried apricots, raw macadamia nuts, and raw walnuts

mid-morning snack: big fruit salad (2–3 cups) with a small handful of raw walnuts and macadamia nuts

lunch: spinach salad with sprouted chick peas, avocado, raw tahini, and black olives

snacks: dried apricots and the last of the raw macadamia nuts (they were SO GOOD!)

dinner: 1/2 a bunch of dinasaur kale, diced and dressed with a mix of apple cider vinegar, 1 tsp olive oil, 1 tbsp. raw tahini, sea salt, and black pepper; 1 tbsp. pumpkin seeds; sliced mango

dessert: canteloupe and a few raw walnuts

I love everything I ate today And it was so much fun to eat! The hardest part so far has been giving up coffee (I’ve switched to tea—had a very small amount of coffee on Tuesday morning, but no more). I’ve had some mood swings and my head POUNDS when I do forward folds in yoga, but it’s getting better every day, and I’m enjoying the process of watching my energy levels even out

Exercise for the past 4 days has been lots of walking and some running (Arthur is starting to catch on!!! And it feels SO good to run again!), 2 1-hour hatha yoga sessions, and some at-home stretching. I feel good. And I lost .6 lbs. at WW today, which helped me put this weekend’s “overindulgence” into perspective!!

At WW today, I brought up the fact that I am really shy about asking for substitutions/special dishes at restaurants. I’ve been thinking about this since the blogger brunch (since SO many people made substitutions/special requests!). I think I worry a lot that people judge me by what I eat, and it traces back to a time when I went to a restaurant for my birthday (I think I was 18) and ordered a coke, and the waiter said “wait, don’t you want Diet Coke?” Of course I assumed he thought I was overweight. Or maybe it’s due to the fact that I’m vegan and often have to ask for things without butter/cheese, or ask whether the soup stock is vegetarian, etc. Or maybe it’s the dinner I went to a few months ago where everyone ordered huge burritos and I ordered a couple small vegetable side dishes, then assumed that everyone thought I was an obsessive dieter (when really I just wasn’t that hungry).

Do you feel funny making special requests at restaurants? Do you feel like people judge you by what you eat?